“I told her she could have the ring.”
“He knows the truck is his.”
“We all agreed after dinner last Christmas.”
Sounds simple. Sounds familiar.
But unless it’s written, signed, and legally binding, it means nothing in the eyes of the law.
A Post-It note stuck on a jewelry box might feel heartfelt. A promise whispered in hospice might carry the weight of a lifetime. But once the paperwork starts, those moments vanish like vapor. Judges need documents, not memories. Courts don’t enforce family understandings—they enforce written instructions.
Intent Isn’t Enough
Every year, families walk into estate law offices with stories.
She wanted me to have the cabin.
He promised me that watch.
We all knew who was getting what.
And then the official documents say otherwise—or worse, say nothing at all.
That’s when the gloves come off.
Handwritten Notes Aren’t Binding (Usually)
A sticky note. A scribbled envelope. A highlighted will from 1992 with changes in the margins.
People try to attach meaning to these things. Courts usually don’t.
Without proper witnessing, notarization, or formal execution, those notes are treated as background noise. Judges might acknowledge them, but they won’t follow them.
Verbal Agreements? Even Weaker
Estate fights rarely start with greed. They start with disappointment.
A niece who swears the painting was meant for her.
A son blindsided when the house goes to his sister.
A caregiver left out entirely.
When there’s no clear, enforceable record, people fill in the blanks. Each person sees what they want to see.
The Cost of Ambiguity
It’s not just emotional. It’s financial.
- Probate delays
- Legal fees
- Mediation costs
- Fractured relationships
All of this can begin with one assumption. One promise never put in writing. One sticky note left behind as evidence of nothing.
What to Do Instead
If something matters, document it.
- Add a personal property memorandum to your will
- Spell out who gets which items, clearly and completely
- Review your documents every few years and update as needed
For high-conflict families or valuable items, consider a video explanation. Or a letter that provides context—not legal force, but emotional clarity.
Your Intent Deserves to Be Honored
Don’t rely on memory. Don’t hope a scribble will stand up in court.
Write it. Sign it. Store it where someone can find it. Let your wishes live beyond you—not just in someone’s recollection, but in a form the law can enforce.
